PROOF THAT NOTHING HAPPENS TO ME

So walking to work this morning and decided to grab a loaf of wholewheat which is this bullshit amazing organic bread from what has to be Melbourne's best bakery, Baker D. Chirico, read about them here:

http://danlepard.com/content/pages/dchirico1.htm

Anyway this bread is quite literally a mind fuck, I love going to the shop before 9am as they usually have a pile of this wholegrain bread covered in sesame seeds and most mornings its only a few minutes out of the ovens so it is super hot and soft and doughy inside. It just rips your nostrils apart with all these amazing mouth watering smells.

So to go with my hot, just baked bread I run across the road and grab some organic crunchy peanut butter from the IGA (that's a supermarket in case your thinking it stands for International Groping Academy or Internal Gut Analysis or some fucked up shit like that). I love my organic food as much as life itself, in fact, I can't understand why you would buy souless, dead supermarket food when you could have the amazing flavour of real organic food.

So before I get any further side tracked, train crashed, hundreds dead etc., this peanut paste is $5.67 a tub, fair enough, run to the counter and run it through with Miss 'Oh Look What You Eat You Pig' Checkout Lady and it won't swipe, so she says

"Um, do you know how much this is?"

and inside my head the good me is going

"Ya huh it is $5.67"

and the bad me is going

"Lie, say no I don't, go on, I dare you, make them work for it, make them work for it fucko, what are you the gayest of the gayest guys in the world?"

so without a moments hesitation I say

"Um, no I don't sorry" (LIAR, LIAR, LIAR!)

So she just shrugs, types in a price she pulls out of her arse and hands it to me in a plastic bag with all my other groceries. I was so excited I almost tore the sales docket out of her hand in my rush to get out of the shop and check how much I saved.

This is where it gets sad, I mean really, is my life that pathetic that the highlight of my day so far is how I stole from a reputable business? Am I that old that I get excited about something as sad as getting a breakfast spread for below suggested retail. Could I be sad enough to run to work, grab my phone and ring hubby to tell him in detail about my adventure and brag about how much I paid for 375 grams of organic peanut butter? I think we can safely say YES to all those questions. I did run to work, ring hubby and brag about it, I am excited I got a product worth $5.67 for $1.50. I mean seriously who charges $1.50 for a tub of organic peanut butter, what is she retarded? Therefore, regardless of how sad I am, I still feel I deserved my little bonus...I don't know why but hey serves them right for being stupid.