Friday, November 18

YOU LOVE ME, YOU REALLY LOVE ME

Hello kids, or adults, or senior citizens, or drooling vegetables who surf the internet using an intricate set of pulleys, some strategically placed pencils and one of those wicked dogs that can pick up remote controls, cross streets, hand over your wallet, open doors and wipe your arse for you. Actually they probably don't do the wiping for you, but they pretty much do everything else. In fact you need one of those little spider monkeys rescued from a laboratory somewhere for the intricate butt work. Now I'm laughing to myself about the image of a helper monkey that wipes your retarded arse for you. How fucken funny would that be, I can see the monkey doing that screaming thing they do when you dress them in dolls clothes and make them ride a tiny bike for the benefit of a bunch of snotty nosed kids. They'd be doing that scream while they shook the piece of loo paper free from their wee little hands, panic struck that you are gonna fall back on top of them with a half wiped ring piece that smothers the last bit of breath from their little lungs. Life must be shit for little monkeys, I hope people are nice to them.

Anyway let's talk about me. It's my topic of choice at all the quiz shows I'm invited onto, as fucken if. Though if I was invited on one, all the black holes within my memory would mean I'd fail and get kicked off the show with sweet fuck all but a copy of the show converted into some lame arse version of a board game. The sort of game you wouldn't play even if it was snowing outside, the log cabin was sealed in and all forms of entertainment were gone but that game. In fact it wouldn't even be useful as fire wood, because it would be filled with toxic game pieces and all that shit. So lets get back on track shall we? Here I am talking to myself via keyboard and being rather pleased that some strangers have been reading this blog and actually enjoying it. Interesting for me, mainly because some of my close friends and the occasional work colleague who has taken the time to visit this place have been so close to accepting a couch in a therapy session somewhere that it is starting to worry me. I mean I know I go off on tangents and ramble on about all sorts of shit but hey that is what this is meant to be about. Also as my readership is close to nil I feel pretty free to write whatever the fuck I like without repercussions or objections. So clearly if someone reads this and goes

"Yo fucko, your blog rocks"

It only encourages me. So to all of you who have sent me positive mentions, what am I up to now, three? I think you fucken rock my jocks and stuff, even though I wear boxers and that. But you get the idea. Jesus, clearly when I'm flattered I start to type like a fucken moron. Oh and what is the fucken story with the cock smacks that send me positive comments about my site only to tag it with links to buying Xmas trees. What kind of fuck knuckle is searching for Xmas trees online and happens to stumble on my blog. Please don't treat me like a fucken dead shit and think I'm stupid enough to believe that you like my site and just wanted to point me in the direction of a great website for buying Xmas trees. I don't think I have ever referenced trees of the Christmas variety EVER, well until now. Clearly if you have to spend your days posting shit like that on blogs like mine you are working in a niche industry that no one gives a fat rats arse about and you should maybe investigate a sideline of selling parts of your body and brain for research projects. Why I would be keen to purchase a tree from the UK makes no sense either. If you have read this blog and enjoyed it by all means leave a comment as it encourages me to write more frequently and tell your friends. I would link to other blogs I read but unfortunately I am a techno wronger when it comes to this thing and no matter how many times I have tried to add links and make this more pretty it doesn't work. Aint it funny how most help sections on these things do little to help and more to confuse, is that just me? Probably, anyway moving on, thanks for reading and I promise more soon.