Yo Mands, thanks for the comment, much as I am shocked that someone actually comes to this blog to see if I've got anything to say, I am also floored that someone is so dedicated that they check this palaver every now and then just to see if I am keeping up my end of the type and enter bargain. Apparently one person reads this blog with some sort of regularity, Mands I think I love you more than I already do.
So now I feel obliged to add something more entertaining than just a random thankyou...So what is news? Well I will be without the iMac for a few hours tomorrow as my disc drive collapsed and died a hideous death in the midst of me adding Nina Simone onto iTunes...the very idea. Why it decided to throw itself off the edge of some techno cliff is beyond me but even more head fuck worthy is the fact that it did it within 3 weeks of me purchasing the thing.. According to Apple Care I am a one in a million customer as it hasn't happened to them in years. One in a million huh, so do I get anything for my unique status? But of course not, just the inconvenience of having to take this thing to work with me tomorrow so some guy can pick it up and fix it for me.
Anyway now that I have wasted a paragraph on that info allow me to reveal something much more entertaining that actually alludes to the title of this entry. So it was hubbys birthday last month and we decided to celebrate with drinks at our place. Now drinks with hubby usually start early so we decided to get stuck into the action around 11am on a Saturday morning. Being the big 'mosexual that I am I decided to whip up a tres sheikh mixer, write this down cos it fucken rocks as a vodka mixer...
FUCKO INC 'MOSEXUAL MIXER
1 cup of white sugar
2 cups of water
1 organic vanilla pod split in half lengthways, seeds scraped out
lemon zest from 1 lemon
lemon juice from half a lemon
1 saucepan
1 wooden spoon
a source of heat (we're talking a hotplate not your pants area)
Place the vanilla pod and scraped out vanilla seeds in the water and the sugar in a saucepan and place on a low heat, stir with the wooden spoon until the sugar has dissolved into the water, the best way to check this is to check the back of the wooden spoon, if you can see grains of sugar on it still then it aint dissolved, just keep the temperature low and keep stirring, it shouldn't take too long. Once all dissolved add the lemon juice and zest (you can other flavours if you prefer something other than lemon or vanilla like orange zest or cinnamon or fucken cumquat if it takes your fancy...the flavouring is your choice) Once it is cool pour a splash into your vodka add some lemonade or soda water and enjoy.
My big problem was that I decided a nice treat for hubby and myself would be to grab one blender, tip a huge splash of vodka in, a sprinkle of 'mosexual mixer and a few handfuls of ice and blend to make one big fuck off slushie. The problem with this idea is that it was so yummy that we were hoovering them like they were going out of fashion. So after 2 hours of up ending my head and pouring them down my throat like here was a fire in my belly and that was the only way to extinguish it a few guests arrived. I kept mixing and pouring and head tilting and chatting and then someone handed me a sweet baby J and it was laced with tobacco which kicked in my head spins and sent me running for the toilet bowl.
From this moment on the story gets less than pretty and completely shameful, but what the fuck do I care, nothing better than using your humiliation to entertain others I say. So using the time honoured skills of friends who remember everything and my own limited memories here is what happened. Yes I impersonated a dinosaur over the toilet bowl, yes I howled like a t-rex on heat and yes I coughed up everything in my stomach. What I don't remember is passing out on the floor for a few hours and treating my boxer shorts like a toddler that hasn't been toilet trained. When I finally struggled to my feet my pants had a little extra hmmmm lets just say it was carry on baggage of the sort no one wants to clean up. My friends apparently left about an hour after I locked myself in the bathroom and of course hubby was making regular visits to make sure I didn't need an ambulance, thankfully he didn't notice anything thick in the air. Although that didn't stop me from telling him all about it when I finally opened the door.
So if you've read the archives you will know that the idea of me drinking usually ends in disaster and even at the ripe old age of 36...37 in July, I still can't seem to sort my shit out...scuse the pun. On that note it's time to bail, come back for more soon, if you dare.
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