AN OPEN LETTER TO DR JOSHI

Dear Dr Joshi (what kind of name is that anyway?)

Yesterday marked one week into your book Dr Joshi's Holisitic Detox, oh yes, I am finally purging my poor 36 year old body of the years of abuse and magnificent substances that have coursed, congealed and oozed into my veins. I feel fucken fabulous however I do have issues...well duh, read the inner thoughts below and any drooling, monosalibic fool with the mental age of a goldfish that was born with half a brain and then trod on but put back together and then bought back to life and given a translator who uses bright crayons, flash cards, fuzzy felt stick on pictures and those dolls which usually get introduced with the words

"Show me on the dolly where they touched you"

and you could work that one out. No this issue isn't one I have previously listed, this issue is with Dr Joshi's helpful advice on how to stay motivated on your detox. You see I honestly believe the only reason I am still doing this thing is because I have decided I need to do it. I'm sick of feeling like crap, hate that I've tried almost everything on the home delivery menu's and I'm terrified of getting to the point where I start investigating kaftans and washing myself with a rag on a stick. So when I read that this detox will re-educate my taste buds and make me not wanna eat those bad foods ever again I got excited.

Well Dr Joshi you don't know me or my taste buds. Yes I will admit that your holistic detox food is lovely, complex, fresh and stimulating but it aint nothing compared to something smeared in butter, deep fried, dunked in chocolate or served in a big fuck off martini glass. You get what I'm saying? I could keep eating this organic whole food till the day I kick it into the next existance and I would still crave a slab of pig fried in a pan and served on a stack of eggs with butter spread as thick as a slice of cheese melting into a hot toasted slice of really soft doughy bread and a milkshake with enough sugar to shatter your teeth. Jesus I think my heart just squealed in my chest writing that....gulp.

So the struggle continues as I write this I am about to hop on the tram and head to the organic supermarket to load up on more 'treats' but don't ever think for one minute that I wouldn't go you with a knife for trying to convince my taste buds they will be re-educated. This aint some Stanley Kubrick film and I aint falling for it.

Love

me